Better Than I Use To Be

I've pinned a lot of demons to the ground
I've got a few old habits left
There's one or two I might need you to help me get
Standing in the rain so long has left me with a little rust
But put some faith in me
And someday you'll see
There's a diamond under all this dust

I saw a great one liner the other day.  It read, "Don't judge me just because you sin differently that I do."  Wow!!  That's pretty powerful.  I believe as humans we tend to classify sins.  But in the eyes of God, a sin is a sin is a sin.  Luckily, we are saved by grace.  Though so often I feel battered, broken and damaged, God can still use me.  Moses committed a murder, Rahab was a prostitute, Noah drank, Jonah fled, David committed adultery... and the list goes on.  God didn't call the equipped, He equipped the called, and still does to this day.

Romans 3:23

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God"

So maybe I am a little battered and broken.  But don't mistake my patina for rust, I'm not damaged.  Like a tattoo, these scars and bruises on my heart and soul tell a story.  And for some strange reason, I am able to pour it out right here.... 

I ain't no angel
I still got a still few more dances with the devil
I'm cleanin up my act, little by little
I'm getting there
I can finally stand the man in the mirror I see
I ain't as good as I'm gonna get
But I'm better than I used to be

We all sin, and though society classifies it, God doesn't.  By the grace of God and the blood of Jesus, we are forgiven and saved.  Passing that on is... on this cowboys mind.


(Tim McGraw: Better Than I Use To Be)

Like The Rain

I hear it falling in the night and filling up my mind
All the heaven's rivers come to light I see it all unwind
I hear it talking through the trees and on the window pain
And when I hear it I just can't believe I never liked the rain

  Life can be really confusing sometimes...  We often use the analogy of rain when talking about trials or storms of life.  But what's interesting to me is how rain can also be very sensual and even erotic.  Like listening to the rain on a tin roof, or a kiss in the rain.  Rain is water, and water is an essential building block of life.  Our bodies are made of over 90% of water and we would die without it.     

We battle trials, tribulation, and other storms of life that we just cant make sense of.  But are these storms to drown, or wash us clean?  Is the rain good or bad?  Or is it both?  Can something that is so wrong also be so right?    

Job 37:1 The storm makes my heart beat wildly    

Whether we are talking about 'water' rain, or 'storms of life' rain, we cannot grow without it. Life can be confusing.  Guess we need to learn to both stand the rain, and enjoy the rain....  

Like the rain I have fallen for you and I know just why you
Liked the rain always calling for you I'm falling for you now
Just like the rain

Standing the rain, withstanding the rain, cursing the rain, and even kissing in the rain is.....  on this cowboy's mind.


(Clint Black: Like The Rain)

Home Again In My Heart

That's the way, I remember, seemed to me when I was young.
But I can still see the leaves slowly fall to the ground,
And the snow on the trees as the winter comes down.
Still I go home again in my heart.

Well, it is now official. My grandparents house is up for sale. I understand why, but it still pains me. My grandfather built that house, he and his friends, on weekends, holidays and days off. It took nearly twelve years to complete, and it was their dream home. It is where we gathered for family events and holidays. It's where I spent my weekends and summers as a kid. It's where I had my high school graduation party. It's where I had my wedding reception. It was home to me. I realize that it's just a house, and my feelings may come across as selfish or materialistic, but it's really far from that. My grandfather put his talents to work when building it, and every inch of that house shows craftsmanship that is just not seen today. Among my grandmothers antiques were little trinkets that we gave her as kids for Christmas, and she displayed every one of them. ...The dining room where she let me host my poker parties.... The driveway where I learned to ride a bike, skateboard and motorcycle... The yard that I loved to mow (mainly because they had a riding mower)... Memories that will always remain. Maybe it's not so much the place, but the memories that the place holds.

But I can still see the lightning on a warm summer night,
And the rain on the roof when I close my eyes.
I can still hear us laughing on the front porch in the dark.
There are days when I know that I've traveled so far,
That I'll never find the road leading back to the start.
But still I go home again in my heart.

In my heart.

Proverbs 24:3
A house is built by wisdom and becomes strong through good sense.

Although I have my own house now, and my wife and daughter have made it a home for me, that place and the memories it holds will always remain in my heart and.... on this cowboy's mind.



(Nitty Gritty Dirt Band: Home Again In My Heart)

A Little Help From My Friends

What would you do if sang out of tune,
Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song,
And I'll try not to sing out of key.

I haven't posted in a while, its been a tough year. I lost my grandfather back in July of 2011, and most recently, grandmother this past February. I've never known life without them. They were an active part of my life from the time I was born. I even lived with them off and on throughout the years. There home was always a constant to me growing up, and a safe haven. I spent many of my weekends and summers at their house. In 2000, my wife and I bought a home in the same neighborhood and on the same street, and our daughter stayed with my grandparents each day while we worked. My daughter was my grandfather's life. Each night he would call and ask me, "Whats my baby want for breakfast tomorrow?"

What do I do when my love is away,
(Does it worry you to be alone?)
How do I feel at the end of the day,
(Are you sad because you're on your own?)

Over the past couple of years, there has been some chaos and drama in my family. Therefore, I distanced myself. But the support from my friends after the deaths was unbelievable. I have to say that I am so blessed to have the friends that I have. They have supported me, comforted me, cried with me, drank with me, and helped me in ways that I could never repay. I get up each morning and thank God for my friends, and ask Him to give me the grace to get through the day.

Proverbs 27:9
Just as lotion and fragrance give sensual delight, a sweet friendship refreshes the soul

Though each day brings a new challenge.....

I get by with a little help from my friends.
I get high with a little help from my friends.
I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends.


True friendship is.... on this cowboys mind.



A special thank you to Alanna, Caitlyn, Richard, Kim, Bob, Robert, Esther, Angel, Jimmy, Chris, Summer, Don, Joanne and many others. Your support has kept me going. Thank you......




(A Little Help From My Friends: Joe Cocker)

Carried Away

I don't take my whiskey to extremes
Don't believe in chasing crazy dreams
My feet are planted firmly on the ground
But darlin' when you come around

... I get carried away

Thirteen years ago today I married my soul mate and best friend, and It's been a remarkable journey. Through the years we have had our share of struggles, but always supported each other. We have laughed and cried together. We have taken some wonderful trips, and have raised a loving and caring child. She brings out the best in me and when I think about her I still get carried away.

Too many times we forget to appreciate the relationship we have with our spouses. Several years back when my wife was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis it shattered me. Each new day is a gift and a new adventure with her. Her faith has stayed strong, and she builds my faith when I get weak. I thank God everyday for her, and cannot imagine my life without her. Even after thirteen years, I still get carried away.

I get carried away by the look by the light in your eyes
Before I even realize the ride I'm on
Baby I'm long gone
I get carried away nothing matters but being with you
Like a feather flying high up in the sky
On a windy day
I get carried away

Growing old with my beautiful wife is... on this cowboys mind


I love you Alanna...

(George Strait: Carried Away)

Wave On Wave

Mile upon mile got no direction,
We're all playing the same game.
We're all looking for redemption,
Just afraid to say the name.

Do you ever feel lost, or feel like your life is going nowhere and you have no direction? Sometimes we think we have our whole lives figured out and then things go crazy. We lose control of the situation that we created, and become lost. We can't understand why things didn't work out. Once we get lost, it's hard to get back on the right path. Or maybe, we don't know how... But we should know.

Proverbs 3:5-7
5Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. 6Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take. 7Don't be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the Lord and turn away from evil.

I wondered out into the water,
And I thought that I might drown.
I don't know what I was after,
I just know I was going down.

We need to give full control of our lives to God. Too often, we rely on our own idea of how things should turn out. Put your trust in God, resist evil, live your life for Him, and everything else will fall into place. He will show you which path to take. It may not always be easy, but you won't be going it alone.

Remember, anything is possible for God, even things that don't make sense to us.

You came upon me wave on wave
You're the reason I'm still here.
Am I the one you were sent to save?
You came upon me wave on wave.

Guidance for the right path is... on this cowboys mind


(Wave On Wave: Pat Green)

Forgiving You Was Easy

Forgiving you was easy,
But forgetting seems to take the longest time

I have to admit, this is my weakness. I am usually very quick to forgive, but it takes a long time for me to forget. If I completely forget, what did I learn from the situation? My struggle is that after I forgive, I don't want to put myself in a position to get hurt again. I guess this is where I am supposed to turn the other cheek.

Matthew 6:14
For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you.

Plus, once you forgive, you can't hold a grudge. You truly have to forgive in your heart. Sometimes, you may even have to distance yourself to heal. Everything we go through in life is a lesson. It is important that we learn from these and use that knowledge. Forgive and we will also be forgiven, but learn from the experience. I have learned in life that people will let you down, but God never will. People will disappoint you, but God never will.

The bitter fruit of anger growing from the seeds of jealousy
Oh what a heartache, but I forgive the things you said to me
For I believe forgiving, is the only way that I'll find peace of mind
Forgiving you was easy, but forgetting seems to take the longest time.

Finding peace of mind is... on this cowboys mind.



(Forgiving You Was Easy: Willie Nelson)