Better Than I Use To Be

I've pinned a lot of demons to the ground
I've got a few old habits left
There's one or two I might need you to help me get
Standing in the rain so long has left me with a little rust
But put some faith in me
And someday you'll see
There's a diamond under all this dust

I saw a great one liner the other day.  It read, "Don't judge me just because you sin differently that I do."  Wow!!  That's pretty powerful.  I believe as humans we tend to classify sins.  But in the eyes of God, a sin is a sin is a sin.  Luckily, we are saved by grace.  Though so often I feel battered, broken and damaged, God can still use me.  Moses committed a murder, Rahab was a prostitute, Noah drank, Jonah fled, David committed adultery... and the list goes on.  God didn't call the equipped, He equipped the called, and still does to this day.

Romans 3:23

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God"

So maybe I am a little battered and broken.  But don't mistake my patina for rust, I'm not damaged.  Like a tattoo, these scars and bruises on my heart and soul tell a story.  And for some strange reason, I am able to pour it out right here.... 

I ain't no angel
I still got a still few more dances with the devil
I'm cleanin up my act, little by little
I'm getting there
I can finally stand the man in the mirror I see
I ain't as good as I'm gonna get
But I'm better than I used to be

We all sin, and though society classifies it, God doesn't.  By the grace of God and the blood of Jesus, we are forgiven and saved.  Passing that on is... on this cowboys mind.


(Tim McGraw: Better Than I Use To Be)

Like The Rain

I hear it falling in the night and filling up my mind
All the heaven's rivers come to light I see it all unwind
I hear it talking through the trees and on the window pain
And when I hear it I just can't believe I never liked the rain

  Life can be really confusing sometimes...  We often use the analogy of rain when talking about trials or storms of life.  But what's interesting to me is how rain can also be very sensual and even erotic.  Like listening to the rain on a tin roof, or a kiss in the rain.  Rain is water, and water is an essential building block of life.  Our bodies are made of over 90% of water and we would die without it.     

We battle trials, tribulation, and other storms of life that we just cant make sense of.  But are these storms to drown, or wash us clean?  Is the rain good or bad?  Or is it both?  Can something that is so wrong also be so right?    

Job 37:1 The storm makes my heart beat wildly    

Whether we are talking about 'water' rain, or 'storms of life' rain, we cannot grow without it. Life can be confusing.  Guess we need to learn to both stand the rain, and enjoy the rain....  

Like the rain I have fallen for you and I know just why you
Liked the rain always calling for you I'm falling for you now
Just like the rain

Standing the rain, withstanding the rain, cursing the rain, and even kissing in the rain is.....  on this cowboy's mind.


(Clint Black: Like The Rain)

Home Again In My Heart

That's the way, I remember, seemed to me when I was young.
But I can still see the leaves slowly fall to the ground,
And the snow on the trees as the winter comes down.
Still I go home again in my heart.

Well, it is now official. My grandparents house is up for sale. I understand why, but it still pains me. My grandfather built that house, he and his friends, on weekends, holidays and days off. It took nearly twelve years to complete, and it was their dream home. It is where we gathered for family events and holidays. It's where I spent my weekends and summers as a kid. It's where I had my high school graduation party. It's where I had my wedding reception. It was home to me. I realize that it's just a house, and my feelings may come across as selfish or materialistic, but it's really far from that. My grandfather put his talents to work when building it, and every inch of that house shows craftsmanship that is just not seen today. Among my grandmothers antiques were little trinkets that we gave her as kids for Christmas, and she displayed every one of them. ...The dining room where she let me host my poker parties.... The driveway where I learned to ride a bike, skateboard and motorcycle... The yard that I loved to mow (mainly because they had a riding mower)... Memories that will always remain. Maybe it's not so much the place, but the memories that the place holds.

But I can still see the lightning on a warm summer night,
And the rain on the roof when I close my eyes.
I can still hear us laughing on the front porch in the dark.
There are days when I know that I've traveled so far,
That I'll never find the road leading back to the start.
But still I go home again in my heart.

In my heart.

Proverbs 24:3
A house is built by wisdom and becomes strong through good sense.

Although I have my own house now, and my wife and daughter have made it a home for me, that place and the memories it holds will always remain in my heart and.... on this cowboy's mind.



(Nitty Gritty Dirt Band: Home Again In My Heart)

A Little Help From My Friends

What would you do if sang out of tune,
Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song,
And I'll try not to sing out of key.

I haven't posted in a while, its been a tough year. I lost my grandfather back in July of 2011, and most recently, grandmother this past February. I've never known life without them. They were an active part of my life from the time I was born. I even lived with them off and on throughout the years. There home was always a constant to me growing up, and a safe haven. I spent many of my weekends and summers at their house. In 2000, my wife and I bought a home in the same neighborhood and on the same street, and our daughter stayed with my grandparents each day while we worked. My daughter was my grandfather's life. Each night he would call and ask me, "Whats my baby want for breakfast tomorrow?"

What do I do when my love is away,
(Does it worry you to be alone?)
How do I feel at the end of the day,
(Are you sad because you're on your own?)

Over the past couple of years, there has been some chaos and drama in my family. Therefore, I distanced myself. But the support from my friends after the deaths was unbelievable. I have to say that I am so blessed to have the friends that I have. They have supported me, comforted me, cried with me, drank with me, and helped me in ways that I could never repay. I get up each morning and thank God for my friends, and ask Him to give me the grace to get through the day.

Proverbs 27:9
Just as lotion and fragrance give sensual delight, a sweet friendship refreshes the soul

Though each day brings a new challenge.....

I get by with a little help from my friends.
I get high with a little help from my friends.
I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends.


True friendship is.... on this cowboys mind.



A special thank you to Alanna, Caitlyn, Richard, Kim, Bob, Robert, Esther, Angel, Jimmy, Chris, Summer, Don, Joanne and many others. Your support has kept me going. Thank you......




(A Little Help From My Friends: Joe Cocker)