I heard this Tim McGraw song today and it got me thinking...
I don't know why I act the way I do
Like I aint got a single thing to lose
Sometimes I'm my own worst enemy
I guess that's just the cowboy in me
I really feel like sometimes I am my own worst enemy. I have a very difficult time with forgiveness. Not toward others, but towards myself. I know that God forgives me, but why cant I just let it go? Why do I fight myself on this?
Unforgiveness is like leaving your window open in your car in this 100 degree Houston weather. All that hot air comes in and works against your air conditioner. Many times I get discouraged with things that the "enemy" throws into my life. I am slowly learning that I need to check to make sure I didn't leave a window open. Love forgives, and faith works by love. Therefore, faith cant work in me if I don't forgive myself. Just think of the blessings that I am missing out on.
The urge to run, the restlessness
The heart of stone I sometimes get
The things Ive done for foolish pride
The me that's never satisfied
The face that's in the mirror when I don't like what I see
I guess that's just the cowboy in me
We all have our inner demons that we deal with, and it is time to put aside our pride and hard headedness and receive the fulfillment that God wants to give us.
God doesn't hold a grudge against me. Wondering why I do is... on this cowboys mind.
(Tim McGraw:The Cowboy In Me)
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Lets try this again.
ReplyDeleteYou Can't and Why Would You?
Normally I try not to dwell on the negative. No point in it. I was all about it when younger but have come to realize that it leads nowhere positive (ironically). I have done all I could do to remove the rough seas from my life and I am better for it. Calm waters, man. But there is one seemingly negative phrase I keep under wraps for specific instances.
YOU CAN'T
Unhappy with the way you handled a situation and want to relive it?
YOU CAN'T
Wish you had held your tongue in lieu of speaking a harsh word out of line?
YOU CAN'T
Wish you had said something that went unsaid until it was too late?
Doesn't matter, YOU CAN'T
It's gone. You can't relive the past. Whats done is done. You miss a putt on 18 on Tuesday, you start a new card on Wednesday. Move on. Your mistakes and successes will stay right where you left them. Analyze them, figure how to use them to build a more perfect you, then have a drink and goto bed. Start over tomorrow.
And even if you could, why? Every decision in your life has you stepping off a different elevator on to a different floor.
Example: I had a bad relationship with my father and stepmother when I was younger. I was terrible to them and put them through hell. I felt guilty (another wasted emotion) about it for years. But I finally came to the realization that I would not change a thing. Heres why: Any single variation on one of about five different occasions totally changes the trajectory of my life (move to nashville>later move to houston>get job in comic shop>meet eduardo>get job in video store>meet brian>meet shawna>meet rick>meet john>john sets me up on blind date with laura>MARRY LAURA!). Any one of those dominos falls another direction and I am somewhere else. Hell, go back to meet Brian and add another 10-15 steps and you get to you. And 2-4 of those steps were major screw ups by me in one manner or another.
But my point is, any different swing of the pendulum and you fail to make a life connection. And life is just an intricate system of connections.
So your mistakes are your own. Forgive yourself and let go of the guilt. Start over tomorrow. If you are happy where you are, let it go. Because no matter what, all of your f*ckups have brought you to where you are.
Namaste
And read this (another Texas songwriter):
http://www.amazon.com/Tao-Willie-Guide-Happiness-Heart/dp/159240197X
Or I have the audio if you'd rather listen to it in the car. You have an mp3 player?